The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't use anti-virus. Viruses use anti-Chuck Norris.
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Two things in life are certain: Death and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun. The Earth is stationary. The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
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Chuck Norris once drank a Red Bull and the can grew wings.
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Chuck Norris sent a e-mail through the postal service.
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Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
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