The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
Chuck Norris can drive to the moon... on foot.
Crop Circles are Chuck Norris's preschool art projects.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
There was no Big Bang. Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.