The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
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Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
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Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
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Chuck Norris didn't cross the road... he was already on the other side...
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Chuck Norris doesn't moon walk, the moon Chuck-Norris Walks.
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Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes it with his fist.
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One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
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When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
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