Chuck Norris can cut a saw with a wood board.
Chuck Norris doesnt' walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Chuck Norris uses a gun to be humane.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!