Give Chuck Norris a piece of coal and he'll give you back a diamond.
Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.