The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris uses black holes to clean his dishes.
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When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris could play cd-based games on his Nintendo 64.
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Chuck Norris actually completed Tetris.
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Chuck Norris can throw a house through a window.
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Chuck Norris believes in victim's rights. His victims have the right to dig their own graves before he kills them.
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Ghosts actually have their own kind of tv. The show that scares them the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".
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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time