Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris won American Idol, only using sign language.
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
Chuck Norris is the greatest thing, period, despite his invention of sliced bread.
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
Chuck Norris' favorite game is winning.