Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear steel toes, his toes already are.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
Chuck Norris' blood is the only blood to test positive for kickass.
When Chuck Norris say it's hot, people sweat.
Chuck Norris can get a touchdown in baseball.
Chuck Norris acting contracts are if the movie producer want Chuck Norris to act in his movie, the producer is roundhouse kicked.
How did Stella get her groove back? Permission from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak Japanese... in French.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary, with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."