The best Chuck Norris jokes

The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
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I hate Chuck Norris. Oh SHI...
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Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
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Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
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Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
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Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
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Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
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Teacher to student "Why is every answer on your test 'Chuck Norris'?" Student to teacher "Chuck Norris is the answer to all problems!"
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Chuck Norris has never used a question mark in his life.
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