The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water. The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris doesn't tie shoelaces, he wins them.
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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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The city of Dallas wanted to name a major street Chuck Norris Boulevard but decided against it because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!
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Chuck Norris doesn't expect the unexpected. He knows the unexpected.
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When Chuck Norris decides he wants to kill some time... it's not a figure of speech. He actually does it.
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Chucks Norris's mirror is scared to look at him.
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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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Chuck Norris never reads the News – because Chuck Norris IS the News.
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