The best Chuck Norris jokes

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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The dark side of the moon is the side that cowers in fear of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette, and he won. No Questions asked.
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Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.
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Chuck Norris is ambidextrous. He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg. All at the same time.
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The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
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The only reason world peace doesn't exist is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like bringing peace to the whole world.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris can eat the inside of an orange without peeling it.
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All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
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