The best Chuck Norris jokes

You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
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When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.
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When Chuck Norris breaks a sweat... he tries to do it as quickly as possible so as not to hurt it.
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Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was recently hospitalize, because Chuck Norris poked him.
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When Jacques Cousteau reached the bottom of the sea he found Chuck Norris snorkeling.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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