The best IT jokes

An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: IT
CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe." Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work." Company softball team downsized to chess team. Company president now driving a Hyundai. Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: business, car, IT, management, work
What do computers do when they get hungry? They eat chips!
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has 35.91 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: IT
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
Fed up with your computer winning at chess? Try it at kick-boxing instead!
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: IT
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: IT
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: IT
You realize that you are dependent of the internet when: You forget in what year you are. You get out from you’re room and you discover that you’re parent moved and you don’t even know when that happened. You dream only of quick connections. You open you’re interphone when you get out from you’re room so you can hear when you get an e-mail.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: IT
How come the women loves the PC? It’s easier to turn on!
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, love
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: IT
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