Joke #146

Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Earth is not spinning around the sun. The sun is just desperately trying to keep a distance to Chuck Norris.

Dante's Inferno is based on a Nature Walk Chuck Norris once took.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces. So too has his boot.

Chuck Norris won one million dollars gambling playing Solitaire.