Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.