The best jokes about men

A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget. "Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee. Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look." Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it. Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Vote: has 77.72 % from 388 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, men, sex, women
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Vote: has 77.68 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
Vote: has 77.59 % from 81 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Vote: has 77.47 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, men, single, ugly, women
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
Vote: has 77.19 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, men
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men
Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, men, women
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men