The best jokes about men

There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" "Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer. His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison." "Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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has 78.96 % from 401 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, fart, men, women
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
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has 78.90 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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has 78.81 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
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has 78.80 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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has 78.02 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: men
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man. "Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want." Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie. "You grant wishes right?" "Yes." replies the genie. "Hmm, I'd like a million bucks." Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar. "Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!" His friends sitting at the table replies, "Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
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has 77.86 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: bar, duck, genie, men, music