The best jokes about men

What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
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has 77.84 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: men
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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has 77.77 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: men
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, love, men
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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has 77.55 % from 409 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, women
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
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has 77.52 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: death, men
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, men
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time