The best jokes about men

There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
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has 78.80 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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has 78.74 % from 407 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, fart, men, women
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"? A: They want to watch their asses.
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has 78.58 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, men, women
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
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has 78.23 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: men, party, sex
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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has 78.02 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: men
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man. "Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want." Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie. "You grant wishes right?" "Yes." replies the genie. "Hmm, I'd like a million bucks." Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar. "Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!" His friends sitting at the table replies, "Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
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has 77.86 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: bar, duck, genie, men, music
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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has 77.84 % from 439 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, women
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
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has 77.81 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: death, men