Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"
A man is participating in a golf tournament. He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty. However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty. Suddenly, Mother Nature appears. "What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter." "Thanks," says the man. "But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!