How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
What did the trampolinist say?
‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’
Tennis
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.
The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice.
He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
"No" says the neighbor.
"The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"
The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.
I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.
Swimming