The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"
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Chuck Norris built Rome with a box of scraps.
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Death once took Chuck Norris.
He regreted it.
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Kids dream about having superpowers.
Superpowers dream about having Chuck Norris.
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Chuck norris can control chaos.
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Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred.
Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.
But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired.
His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill?
You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."
Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened.
Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."
"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him.
"That must've been terrible!"
"It was," he said.
"All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said.
"I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?"
"I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said.
"Oh, come on," the man teased.
"You'd give your own mother a ticket."
"No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper.
Then a grin spread over his face.
"But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said, "and I issued her a warning.
But that's all."
What is black and white and red all over?
(A panda bear with a sunburn!)
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.