A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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An old woman goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
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The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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Chuck Norris invented half when he round house kicked the number 1
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Chuck Norris can land a multi-hit combo with only one punch.
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A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once.
The ground didn't make it.
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Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!