Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
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Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Stupid?
He wanted to be a farmer.
So he studied pharmacy.
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke.
She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her.
Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
Chuck Norris can drive a car without gas... or an engine.
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Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
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Many years ago Chuck Norris and a brown bear had a fight.
The loser had to go live in the north pole.
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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
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Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.
Except Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.