Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
Vote:
Chuck Norris has no need to walk.
The universe simply moves around him.
Vote:
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low."
"Pick up bread. We be back."
Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.
Vote:
Yo mama is so ugly when she went to the thirteenth floor they got scared of her.
How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Vote:
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow into pasture.
Q: How are blondes like postage stamps?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.