Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
Chuck Norris wrote the Assassins creed!
Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
Chuck Norris only created Russians so he can use them to take over TGI Fridays.
Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
There is no such thing as an endangered species, they are Chuck's likes and dislikes.
Yoda used to be 6 feet tall till he tried that Force crap on Chuck Norris.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.