Two things in life are certain: Death and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun. The Earth is stationary. The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS: The World orients itself to where he wants to go.
Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
Chuck Norris acting contracts are if the movie producer want Chuck Norris to act in his movie, the producer is roundhouse kicked.
A horror movie is Chuck's comedy.
Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
Barbwire wants a tatoo of Chuck Norris.