The best Chuck Norris jokes

There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
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Beetlejuice is afraid to say Chuck Norris 3 times.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Chuck Norris eats granite and drinks lava for his lunch.
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Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
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Law of Gravity doesn't apply to Chuck Norris, he enforces it... with a round house kick.
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Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
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Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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The dark side of the moon is the side that cowers in fear of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette, and he won. No Questions asked.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game