Chuck Norris can suck a black hole.
Chuck Norris once won a staredown over a walkie talkie.
Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.
Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Chuck Norris paints little red wagons for a living with his victim's blood. But not the wheels. That's just wrong.
Chuck Norris's wish isn't your command, Chuck Norris's command is your wish...
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.