The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
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Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
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Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
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Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.
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When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
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