The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.
When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.