Chuck Norris once stared death in the face... Death pissed his pants.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
Chuck Norris adds Facebook as a friend.
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.
Right angles used to be called wrong angles until Chuck said, "I don't see anything wrong with them."
Lou Gehrig considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, no one knew that it was because he was soon getting away from Chuck Norris.