Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Lou Gehrig considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, no one knew that it was because he was soon getting away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.
Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
If you see the Blue Screen of Death on your laptop... it's because Chuck Norris found out you were reading Chuck Norris jokes.
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
Chuck Norris once played The Price Is Right. The prices attempted to guess the numbers Chuck Norris was thinking of.