Chuck Norris once stared death in the face...
Death pissed his pants.
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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery.
It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
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Chuck Norris adds Facebook as a friend.
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Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Right angles used to be called wrong angles until Chuck said, "I don't see anything wrong with them."
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.
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Lou Gehrig considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, no one knew that it was because he was soon getting away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.
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