Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
Chuck Norris can create tornados by running around in circles.
Chuck Norris can eat the inside of an orange without peeling it.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
Chuck Norris used to date Hurricane Katrina.
Chuck Norris can buy priceless moments. At a discount price.
When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.