Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris falls into a puddle of water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris. This is just a joke, we know Chuck Norris doesn't fall..ever
Chuck Norris never wears steel toe boots, they make his roundhouse kicks softer.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.