Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
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The Universe is not expanding.
It's running away from Chuck Norris.
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The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
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Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
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Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
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A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch.
He simply decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
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There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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