Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
The Universe is not expanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris.
The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.